luck? fate? destiny?

I am one lucky lady!!!

I have a husband who loves me (depsite my temper tantrums) I have great friends (who I am trying to make an effort to see more regularly - but how to balance everything) I have great family, I have a wonderful dog (really he is more like a 3rd child) but most importantly I have 2 beautiful girls to share my time with.

I keep getting asked the following 3 questions:

1) Do you want to go back to work?

2) What are your plans for summer? and in the next breath Why are you not planning camping or vacations?

3) When are you having another

These 3 questions seem to be important to others.  Even for people who are really close to James and I.  I just don't understand.

So I will answer them now.

1) Call me a bad mom - but I am a better mom when I am working.  I make more of an effort to do the special things. I tressure the time I have the girls more because it is limited.  I also love the day care my children go to.  My oldest has learned to play so well and is growing to be a sweet, caring, smart young lady.  I also like my job, they treat me well and are accomodating with my life.  I feel I have the best of both worlds.

2) We don't have plans for the summer.....gasp....I know.  The queen of planning doesn't have plans...NO I have plans but they are big or fabulous they are small, trivial but involve creating lasting memories.  To me that is more than a trip to Flordia, a trip to a cabin.  We like camping but don't want to be bothered with the set up and take down when we can spend that money and time doing other fun activities.

3) We are done having children!  WHAT????????  Yes Done!  In fact unless a miracle happens I am unable to have anymore they took care of that during the c-section.  I would love a million children, I would love to have an army but why take the chance.  We gambled with both pregnancies and the 9 months I carried those babies were so stressful on me.  I may have come across as relaxed and uncaring - but it was hard.  To be honest, mom's that have babies and have had easy pregnancies really don't understand what it's like to hope, pray and be scared. 
The other reason is A looked so much like Brayden when she was born I wasn't sure I would bond with her.  But we bonded and have a special bond.  What a sinking feeling when they hand you that baby and all the memories of holding a baby that died come flooding back. 

I have a new mantra!  It is don't worry things will work out.  Fate, Karma, God whatever there is a plan for me and while I make desicions that affect the plan I ultimatley have to have faith that things will work out.   Don't believe for a 2nd that's a lazy of way of living. For example I wanted my child to play soccer - no one stepped up to offer the program, I could've have sat back and did nothing and said oh well maybe next year, but I can't complain then when opportunities are not given.  So we are running the program,   I don't think we are the most qualified, nor do I think we will make everyone happy but we are creating memories. 

That is where I am today.  Where I hope to be tomorrow.