I have 7 unpublished posts.....so while it may seem like I am not following my new year's resolution. I am. I have been blogging, I have re-taught myself to play the piano, however, I have not started something "new". I really wanted to start a girls group of some sort but I just don't have the energy.
Energy.....where do you suppose people get their energy. I have been struggling with going back to work for many reasons.
1) There were a lot of changes while I was on maternity leave
2) There were not enough changes while I was on maternity leave
3) I don't know how the time goes so fast
4) I went back to work at a busy season with all the parties and events fall and Christmas bring
5) I have no time for myself.
I took a Mindfulness course....while it has helped slightly....I have not gotten as much out of it as I should have.....right now I can hear the instructor saying "you only get what you put in"
Our life has been crazy lately...James is playing hockey, Janessa is in skating and gymnastics and Abigail is into everything so we haven't really seen any friends or had any quality time for anyone. I did manage to spend a couple of hours with a great friend of mine but that's really it. We are in the midst of Christmas plans and planning a 4 year old's birthday party. Never mind trying to find time to bake.
Enough ramblings for now. I have a post about a beautiful 1 year old and a post about a darling 4 year old coming up.....
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
Monday, 11 November 2013
Confession
I was dieting and lost weight.
I have been maintaining for 4 1/2 half months, I fluctuate 5 pounds on a regular basis and it is consuming me.....I hate it. I weigh myself 5 times a day and I can't control it. I am the lightest I've been in a long time, but when I look in the mirror I see a "chubby" girl. I hate it.
I need and want to create high confident girls. I don't want them to ever feel this way
I have been maintaining for 4 1/2 half months, I fluctuate 5 pounds on a regular basis and it is consuming me.....I hate it. I weigh myself 5 times a day and I can't control it. I am the lightest I've been in a long time, but when I look in the mirror I see a "chubby" girl. I hate it.
I need and want to create high confident girls. I don't want them to ever feel this way
Tuesday, 24 September 2013
30 things #5
5 Passions
Passion............what are my 5 passions
1) My children - I have always wanted to be a mom! I love my girls and I love spending time with them this is important to me.
2) Food.......not a lie I love food. I love dainties. I love appetizers. I would have an appetizer/dainty party every day if I could.
3) Cookbooks.....I love cookbooks. I don't often make the recipes but I love to look at them, I love to be creative when I'm cooking and I think looking at the cookbooks helps me to have fun in the kitchen.
4) Reading.....I will read anything and everything I really get into it. Maybe because I'm a bit of a homebody but I love reading
5) Friends.....I love friends - anyone reading this is probably thinking "really you hardly make time for us" lately this is true, I struggle working, being a mom and being a friend. But I love my friends, I love hearing about their lives, I love spending time with them, love doing things with them (plays, movies, coffee, fashion shows, visits etc)
Passion............what are my 5 passions
1) My children - I have always wanted to be a mom! I love my girls and I love spending time with them this is important to me.
2) Food.......not a lie I love food. I love dainties. I love appetizers. I would have an appetizer/dainty party every day if I could.
3) Cookbooks.....I love cookbooks. I don't often make the recipes but I love to look at them, I love to be creative when I'm cooking and I think looking at the cookbooks helps me to have fun in the kitchen.
4) Reading.....I will read anything and everything I really get into it. Maybe because I'm a bit of a homebody but I love reading
5) Friends.....I love friends - anyone reading this is probably thinking "really you hardly make time for us" lately this is true, I struggle working, being a mom and being a friend. But I love my friends, I love hearing about their lives, I love spending time with them, love doing things with them (plays, movies, coffee, fashion shows, visits etc)
One Year
Summer was busy.......in fact I am writing this and not exactly sure where the time went...I enjoyed all of my days spent with 2 beautiful little girls, treasuring the extra time we had together while I was on maternity leave.
Fast forward to September and I have a one year old! Abigail fits so well into our family it seems hard to believe that she was only born a year ago. This little girl is determined to grow up fast. She is very fair, with reddish/blonde hair, blue eyes and the sweetest smile your heart melts. She beams with love looking at me, dad, her sister and of course Jasper. She started walking 2 weeks ago and is stubborn.....if you comment or try to take pictures she promptly sits down and starts doing her "frog" crawl.
We started her birthday celebrations with one year pictures. We use an amazing photographer that despite Abigail not giving away her smiles we were able to get some great shots. A friend made a smash cake for her to smash - however instead of smashing the cake she daintily licked the icing and took small bites while looking at me with a very serious expression. (Note - the exact opposite of her sister who beat the cake to pieces)
Next was a birthday celebration! We had a friend birthday party on the Saturday with a ladybug theme. We ordered a cake, Janessa and I made cupcakes and a friend of mine made amazing ladybug and flower cake pops. We served lunch of hot dogs, veggies, fruit, some dips, licorice and spent a few hours outside on bouncy castles and playing in the yard. The day was perfect.
The next day we had a family party in Portage. Unfortunately the weather was cooler, but we braved the wind and partied outside. Enjoying fruit, veggies, and hot dogs. This theme was owls! Again we ordered a cake and served cupcakes and ice cream!
On her actual birthday we enjoyed the day at home! Went out for breakfast, spent time at the park, enjoyed a nap and then went off to the local circus......this circus didn't have fancy animals, or lots of clowns, but it had dogs, horse rides, color and music. All things that make both my girls happy! We came home enjoyed some treats, opened more presents and called it good.
The next day was my first actual return to work from maternity leave.....the day was rough. There were many tears...lots of emotion from all 3 of us. The first week (four days) was rough and in fact I ended up staying home on Thursday......I couldn't do it. It was also needle day so I though it best to keep Abigail home and have extra cuddles.
This week......my second week into work.......still very emotional. Janessa is having a hard time adjusting, she misses those extra days of mommy time, she is mad because she wants to be in school and doesn't understand that she is not old enough (she is a brilliant, beautiful girl who wants to be at school). Abigail caught the first cold of many......oh the life of day care so she is snotty, coughing, tired, and just run down. I am exhausted. I have a hard time being "on" . James is away this week...so lucky him he's not here for all the meltdowns. I'm sure in time it will get easier........
Fast forward to September and I have a one year old! Abigail fits so well into our family it seems hard to believe that she was only born a year ago. This little girl is determined to grow up fast. She is very fair, with reddish/blonde hair, blue eyes and the sweetest smile your heart melts. She beams with love looking at me, dad, her sister and of course Jasper. She started walking 2 weeks ago and is stubborn.....if you comment or try to take pictures she promptly sits down and starts doing her "frog" crawl.
We started her birthday celebrations with one year pictures. We use an amazing photographer that despite Abigail not giving away her smiles we were able to get some great shots. A friend made a smash cake for her to smash - however instead of smashing the cake she daintily licked the icing and took small bites while looking at me with a very serious expression. (Note - the exact opposite of her sister who beat the cake to pieces)
Next was a birthday celebration! We had a friend birthday party on the Saturday with a ladybug theme. We ordered a cake, Janessa and I made cupcakes and a friend of mine made amazing ladybug and flower cake pops. We served lunch of hot dogs, veggies, fruit, some dips, licorice and spent a few hours outside on bouncy castles and playing in the yard. The day was perfect.
The next day we had a family party in Portage. Unfortunately the weather was cooler, but we braved the wind and partied outside. Enjoying fruit, veggies, and hot dogs. This theme was owls! Again we ordered a cake and served cupcakes and ice cream!
On her actual birthday we enjoyed the day at home! Went out for breakfast, spent time at the park, enjoyed a nap and then went off to the local circus......this circus didn't have fancy animals, or lots of clowns, but it had dogs, horse rides, color and music. All things that make both my girls happy! We came home enjoyed some treats, opened more presents and called it good.
The next day was my first actual return to work from maternity leave.....the day was rough. There were many tears...lots of emotion from all 3 of us. The first week (four days) was rough and in fact I ended up staying home on Thursday......I couldn't do it. It was also needle day so I though it best to keep Abigail home and have extra cuddles.
This week......my second week into work.......still very emotional. Janessa is having a hard time adjusting, she misses those extra days of mommy time, she is mad because she wants to be in school and doesn't understand that she is not old enough (she is a brilliant, beautiful girl who wants to be at school). Abigail caught the first cold of many......oh the life of day care so she is snotty, coughing, tired, and just run down. I am exhausted. I have a hard time being "on" . James is away this week...so lucky him he's not here for all the meltdowns. I'm sure in time it will get easier........
Friday, 14 June 2013
30 things #7
What is my dream job?
This is a tough question! Sometimes I believe I am doing my dream job right now - being a mom. But then I go into my paying job and miss the interaction and think about the work I do and realize that I am pretty close to my dream job now. Let's see if I can sum this up
I think my dream job would be to work 7 hours a day 9-3, Monday - Friday. This would be my "paying" job and my job would include moments for laughter, moments to help people, moments of pressure, moments where I needed to make descisions and moments where I just got to hang out. I also want part of my job to have an education compontent. This piece would have moments where I would teach people, but a requirement of my position would entail professional developement. My "unpaid" job would be the rest of the time so from 3pm - 9am 365 days of the year, with on call duties from 9-3 Monday through Friday. This job would include being a mom! Cooking, cleaning, loving, playing, teaching, reacting, problem solving, budgetting, planning, shopping, recreational activities, etc!!!!
So almost there....
This is a tough question! Sometimes I believe I am doing my dream job right now - being a mom. But then I go into my paying job and miss the interaction and think about the work I do and realize that I am pretty close to my dream job now. Let's see if I can sum this up
I think my dream job would be to work 7 hours a day 9-3, Monday - Friday. This would be my "paying" job and my job would include moments for laughter, moments to help people, moments of pressure, moments where I needed to make descisions and moments where I just got to hang out. I also want part of my job to have an education compontent. This piece would have moments where I would teach people, but a requirement of my position would entail professional developement. My "unpaid" job would be the rest of the time so from 3pm - 9am 365 days of the year, with on call duties from 9-3 Monday through Friday. This job would include being a mom! Cooking, cleaning, loving, playing, teaching, reacting, problem solving, budgetting, planning, shopping, recreational activities, etc!!!!
So almost there....
june
How is it June 14th already!
So today is the birthday of a dear friends little boy. He is a handsome little boy and adorable :) I will never forget the day we got the call from his dad to say he'd arrived. His birth was egarly anticipated. I was pregnant with J at the same time. As I sit here remembering my eyes fill with tears because he was the first "little" boy I held after holding Brayden. Lucky for me I am able to cry infront of these friends because cry I did. So grateful to have good friends.
This weekend is crazy!
Tonight we have a family photo shoot, and we are getting some pics of just James and I. I even planned our outfits out so we are all coordinating. Looking forward to this for many reasons. I hate my picture taken but it's our 6 year anniversary and I would love to have a picture of us together. I also think I need to have a picture of me, I have lost some weight...but I don't see it. When I look at myself I still see the size 14/16 girl that I've always been.
Tomorrow Janessa has a program in the morning called Shake Rattle and Roll! I think James will take her adn then in the afternoon we get to go to a birthday party. So excited. Amanda plans great parties...maybe she should start a new buisness....anyways I am only slightly disappointed because she makes amazing cakes and I know I will want some. Oh well maybe next year???
Sunday we celebrate Father's day, Abigail turning 9 months and our anniversary! The plan is Tinkertown and then James and I are sending the girls home with my parents and we are going to have a "date" but we'll see.
Monday is the start of swimming lessons and Amanda's birthday! Wow what's it going to be like when the girls are in school and we are doing all the year end school things.........
I enjoy blogging but I often forget to post! Feel free to message me, text me send me a reminder. I have lots to say, I guess it depends on if you want to hear it or not :)
So today is the birthday of a dear friends little boy. He is a handsome little boy and adorable :) I will never forget the day we got the call from his dad to say he'd arrived. His birth was egarly anticipated. I was pregnant with J at the same time. As I sit here remembering my eyes fill with tears because he was the first "little" boy I held after holding Brayden. Lucky for me I am able to cry infront of these friends because cry I did. So grateful to have good friends.
This weekend is crazy!
Tonight we have a family photo shoot, and we are getting some pics of just James and I. I even planned our outfits out so we are all coordinating. Looking forward to this for many reasons. I hate my picture taken but it's our 6 year anniversary and I would love to have a picture of us together. I also think I need to have a picture of me, I have lost some weight...but I don't see it. When I look at myself I still see the size 14/16 girl that I've always been.
Tomorrow Janessa has a program in the morning called Shake Rattle and Roll! I think James will take her adn then in the afternoon we get to go to a birthday party. So excited. Amanda plans great parties...maybe she should start a new buisness....anyways I am only slightly disappointed because she makes amazing cakes and I know I will want some. Oh well maybe next year???
Sunday we celebrate Father's day, Abigail turning 9 months and our anniversary! The plan is Tinkertown and then James and I are sending the girls home with my parents and we are going to have a "date" but we'll see.
Monday is the start of swimming lessons and Amanda's birthday! Wow what's it going to be like when the girls are in school and we are doing all the year end school things.........
I enjoy blogging but I often forget to post! Feel free to message me, text me send me a reminder. I have lots to say, I guess it depends on if you want to hear it or not :)
Thursday, 23 May 2013
luck? fate? destiny?
I am one lucky lady!!!
I have a husband who loves me (depsite my temper tantrums) I have great friends (who I am trying to make an effort to see more regularly - but how to balance everything) I have great family, I have a wonderful dog (really he is more like a 3rd child) but most importantly I have 2 beautiful girls to share my time with.
I keep getting asked the following 3 questions:
1) Do you want to go back to work?
2) What are your plans for summer? and in the next breath Why are you not planning camping or vacations?
3) When are you having another
These 3 questions seem to be important to others. Even for people who are really close to James and I. I just don't understand.
So I will answer them now.
1) Call me a bad mom - but I am a better mom when I am working. I make more of an effort to do the special things. I tressure the time I have the girls more because it is limited. I also love the day care my children go to. My oldest has learned to play so well and is growing to be a sweet, caring, smart young lady. I also like my job, they treat me well and are accomodating with my life. I feel I have the best of both worlds.
2) We don't have plans for the summer.....gasp....I know. The queen of planning doesn't have plans...NO I have plans but they are big or fabulous they are small, trivial but involve creating lasting memories. To me that is more than a trip to Flordia, a trip to a cabin. We like camping but don't want to be bothered with the set up and take down when we can spend that money and time doing other fun activities.
3) We are done having children! WHAT???????? Yes Done! In fact unless a miracle happens I am unable to have anymore they took care of that during the c-section. I would love a million children, I would love to have an army but why take the chance. We gambled with both pregnancies and the 9 months I carried those babies were so stressful on me. I may have come across as relaxed and uncaring - but it was hard. To be honest, mom's that have babies and have had easy pregnancies really don't understand what it's like to hope, pray and be scared.
The other reason is A looked so much like Brayden when she was born I wasn't sure I would bond with her. But we bonded and have a special bond. What a sinking feeling when they hand you that baby and all the memories of holding a baby that died come flooding back.
I have a new mantra! It is don't worry things will work out. Fate, Karma, God whatever there is a plan for me and while I make desicions that affect the plan I ultimatley have to have faith that things will work out. Don't believe for a 2nd that's a lazy of way of living. For example I wanted my child to play soccer - no one stepped up to offer the program, I could've have sat back and did nothing and said oh well maybe next year, but I can't complain then when opportunities are not given. So we are running the program, I don't think we are the most qualified, nor do I think we will make everyone happy but we are creating memories.
That is where I am today. Where I hope to be tomorrow.
I have a husband who loves me (depsite my temper tantrums) I have great friends (who I am trying to make an effort to see more regularly - but how to balance everything) I have great family, I have a wonderful dog (really he is more like a 3rd child) but most importantly I have 2 beautiful girls to share my time with.
I keep getting asked the following 3 questions:
1) Do you want to go back to work?
2) What are your plans for summer? and in the next breath Why are you not planning camping or vacations?
3) When are you having another
These 3 questions seem to be important to others. Even for people who are really close to James and I. I just don't understand.
So I will answer them now.
1) Call me a bad mom - but I am a better mom when I am working. I make more of an effort to do the special things. I tressure the time I have the girls more because it is limited. I also love the day care my children go to. My oldest has learned to play so well and is growing to be a sweet, caring, smart young lady. I also like my job, they treat me well and are accomodating with my life. I feel I have the best of both worlds.
2) We don't have plans for the summer.....gasp....I know. The queen of planning doesn't have plans...NO I have plans but they are big or fabulous they are small, trivial but involve creating lasting memories. To me that is more than a trip to Flordia, a trip to a cabin. We like camping but don't want to be bothered with the set up and take down when we can spend that money and time doing other fun activities.
3) We are done having children! WHAT???????? Yes Done! In fact unless a miracle happens I am unable to have anymore they took care of that during the c-section. I would love a million children, I would love to have an army but why take the chance. We gambled with both pregnancies and the 9 months I carried those babies were so stressful on me. I may have come across as relaxed and uncaring - but it was hard. To be honest, mom's that have babies and have had easy pregnancies really don't understand what it's like to hope, pray and be scared.
The other reason is A looked so much like Brayden when she was born I wasn't sure I would bond with her. But we bonded and have a special bond. What a sinking feeling when they hand you that baby and all the memories of holding a baby that died come flooding back.
I have a new mantra! It is don't worry things will work out. Fate, Karma, God whatever there is a plan for me and while I make desicions that affect the plan I ultimatley have to have faith that things will work out. Don't believe for a 2nd that's a lazy of way of living. For example I wanted my child to play soccer - no one stepped up to offer the program, I could've have sat back and did nothing and said oh well maybe next year, but I can't complain then when opportunities are not given. So we are running the program, I don't think we are the most qualified, nor do I think we will make everyone happy but we are creating memories.
That is where I am today. Where I hope to be tomorrow.
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